Where Did That Guy Go and Can He Come Back?

Over a week ago I spent the day with my Mom in Sacramento. I recently promised that I would absolutely save a day a month that would be just for her and unless a natural disaster occurred I would honor that day. It has made an enormous difference in how we now relate to one another on a daily basis because she now can count on when my next visit will be. That has alleviated so much pressure and I'm actually able to enjoy the day and even look forward to it. Having a specific time to expect me allows my Mom to prioritize the projects that she would like to see completed. The major one on the list was the garage. I showed up a bit late so we jumped right into it when I arrived. I'd already made a bit of headway the last time I was there but there was still a lot to do. Mom has been in an eliminating mood and it's forced her to look at a lot of mementos and weigh their value. She recently found a collection of letters that belonged to my Grandmother that she had never before gone through and there was correspondence in there from the 1920's and earlier. We started making a "donation" pile, a "garbage" pile and a "to save" pile. I was glad to see Mom wasn't shy about the garbage pile and I actually had to have her think about saving a few things she was ready to let go of. A few things I, myself couldn't part with ( and now I'm mad I let myself bring them home because I'm trying to eliminate as well ). How in God's name did I feel sentimental about a percolator ( yes, before coffee makers were around ) that I remember as a kid? We were on a good pace, making great headway. Looming ahead was the infamous trunk. As a kid, I always wondered what was in it. It's so ancient and heavy in appearance. When I'd asked the answer was always " in there? Oh, just this and that". There were trunks on top of that trunk that we had to go through first and I personally felt the contents were not at all trunkworthy. Perhaps my anticipation of "the trunk" was skewing my judgement. With the trunk finally accessible I started opening it. Mom said, "honey, why don't you wait until I'm not around anymore to go through that". I told her that I wanted to go through it while she was around so that I could get answers to any questions that may arise. With that we continued. The first thing I got to see was my Mom's wedding dress which was beautiful. There wasn't any particular mystery but there were some wonderful pictures. Under all that was a shock. All sorts of artwork that I had done in high school and my early years of college. There were two scetchbooks filled with my ideas for paintings and such and I was so shocked to see how current and usable the ideas were! I was also so surprised to see that there was a strong tendency toward textile design that early on. I had never considered that as an option to pursue in school ( didn't really ever think about it ) and now I realize how different my life would have been if I had considered that as an option so many years ago. All this was amazing yet it also made me quite sad. The designwork was fearless and bold. I suddenly was aware that as I got older I was influenced by so many things that altered the direction of my work. When did it change? When did my work lose that edge? Don't get me wrong. I'm very proud of my lifetime body of work but there was a point when I took into consideration what would be "marketable". "I'd better paint things people would understand and want to hang in their home". I think that was a mistake. I want that naive, unafraid kid that was willing to" go where no man's gone before" back. I want to continue where I left off...except better. The one thing that's great about this discovery is that I now have the ability to take those raw ideas and realize them with the skill I've developed all these years. It was destiny to go through that trunk at this point in my life and find the old me because lately I've been searching...searching for my work to MEAN something. What could mean more than to finish a sentence - a thought - a concept from a lifetime ago?
What a wonderful day that turned out to be. I'm so grateful I didn't let my Mom talk me into waiting until "later" to go through the trunk. We sat on the garage floor for hours and I got to share in the many memories that the trunk items sparked. We had a lot of laughs and tears and I will forever hold that day close to me. I love you, Mom.